suicidalentrepreneur

Posts Tagged ‘broke-ass mutha’

No Rest for the Wicked

In Uncategorized on March 10, 2009 at 1:47 am

So. Here I am. Not sleeping. Again.

Saturday I didn’t sleep. Sunday I slept five hours. Now it’s Monday night/Tuesday morning and once again, I’m not sleeping. < sarcasm >Tuesday is going to rock. < / sarcasm >

I’ve always been an insomniac. And I really do mean always. As a kid, I could never fall asleep. I’d be up all night. My mother would dress me for school while I slept because I’d be too exhausted to wake up. I never got up early to watch cartoons. Not once.

I’ve worked early morning jobs. I’ve tried everything there is to try to get into a routine. Or to relax at night. Or to feel energized in the morning. None of it has ever worked.

All of that said, I know why I’m not sleeping tonight. While I am prone to this sort of thing anyway, tonight I’m having a hard time because I’m failing at life.

I’ll spend the next 6 hours working and not sleeping. I’ll accomplish a ton of things on my to do list. However, I know that I’m still going to lose my business. I know that I’m going to have to file for bankruptcy. I know that I’ll give it my best and it won’t be good enough.

This is the first month that I won’t be paying a number of my bills. I don’t feel anything for the institutions I owe money to, but it still hurts. It kills me. I work hard. I work 7 days a week and have since the age of 14. I often work two or three jobs at any given time. I’ve always had a good credit score, not because I’ve ever been in good financial standing, but because I know how to make sacrifices.

There’s nothing left to sacrifice.

Except, I guess, sleep.

So here it goes. Sleep, you’ve been thrown into the volcano. And yet, somehow I know the gods still won’t be pleased with me.

2 out of 3 ain’t bad

In The Bright Side, Uncategorized on January 14, 2009 at 7:27 pm

Only one of my three checking accounts is overdrawn.

That’s pretty good, right?

Pants

In Uncategorized on January 8, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Linds. Sporting my look.

Linds. Sporting my look.

I no longer own any pants that don’t have holes in them. This is not a choice. It’s not hip. I am one broke muthashutyourmouth. Just talkin’ bout cash.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t be dressing like Preppy McPrepperson the third even if the opportunity presented itself. Well, maybe I’d occasionally sport a school girl’s uniform. Just for fun.

It’d just be nice to have options.

Should I wear the ripped jeans today or not? Crotchless pants or not?

It’s damn cold out today. Crotchful pants would be nice.